We finally got word that the birth mother chose a local family over us to raise her daughter. While we are sad that we aren't getting a child, we are glad that this mother made the best choice for her family.
I'm surprised to find how relieved I am that we aren't going to be parenting this child. No one wants their child to be born premature, no one wants their child to have physical and intellectual limitations.
Well, almost no one.
So I guess it's natural that I was, deep down, terrified to take on a 29-weeker. D and I have spent the past few days mulling over what this means for the next time we are offered a chance at a child. I think we've realized that we really aren't prepared for two special needs children. That there isn't anything wrong with wanting a child who is healthy, especially when we are already parenting a child who requires so much.
Even if it does makes me feel like an ass.
A good result all around, then. :)
Posted by: Orodemniades | January 07, 2008 at 07:14 PM
I can empathize.
Posted by: Adria | January 07, 2008 at 08:13 PM
I'm glad you have peace with the final decision. And to top of it off, some additional wisdom on how best to handle future options that come your way. Thinking of you!
Posted by: Psychgal | January 07, 2008 at 11:00 PM
My husband and I had 26 week twin boys in 2005 that didn't make it home from the hospital. We too were preparing for the possibility of special needs children. I'm not sure that I have a point, but I'm glad you got a decision. I've been following your story for a long time, and I've really enjoyed it. Thanks for continuing it post-adoption, unlike some other people we know! :)
Posted by: m | January 08, 2008 at 09:28 AM
I'm glad you feel that it turned out well in the end. I hope another birth mother chooses you soon and I hope it's the perfect fit for everyone.
I was just thinking today that sometimes it is just as important to say no as to say yes. Sometimes in saying no we are looking after ourselves much better. I know here it wasn't you saying no but it's good that you and your husband have decided what your family needs and can cope with.
Posted by: Carlynn | January 08, 2008 at 12:05 PM
I'm so sorry this didn't work out. Even if you know the right thing happened, I'm sure its still disappointing. I hope the right child comes into your lives soon!
Posted by: Heidi | January 08, 2008 at 01:58 PM
Oh no. I'm sorry to hear this. I was really hoping this would be your new baby.
Don't feel like an ass about wanting a healthy child. You know your limitations, and that should not make you feel guilty or ashamed. The world would be a much better place if more soon-to-be parents knew their limits.
Posted by: ashley | January 10, 2008 at 12:54 PM
Please don't feel like an ass! You know what your limits and strengths are. You need to do what is best for your family. There are people available to take children with medical problems. It doesn't have to be you and it doesn't mean you are less a wonderful parent.
HUGS!
Posted by: 4katnap | January 10, 2008 at 02:33 PM
Ummm - how could you possibly be thinking you're an ass? IMO - your job as a person, spouse and parent is to ensure that you are as well prepared as possible to continue in those roles when you change the dynamics by adding another child. Knowing what will work in your family is vital - bravo for determining what that is.
Posted by: Nan | January 10, 2008 at 09:08 PM